The Masses and Me

Oh, National Park Systems, I just don't know how to handle you.

My disclaimer before I begin my diatribe against the disastrous path of my perfection: I am so grateful for this trip, and for mother nature, and for the many humans that populate this fine earth, and for the process undertaken by the government to attempt to preserve nature's gifts. Yeah, National Park Systems! But I can't figure out how to find a peaceful, all-encompassing method of enjoying these meandering mazes of parading tourists.

Let me bullet-point list this, if I may:

• Bears, serial killers and serial-killing bears: My two main fears for my safety on this trip include befriending a serial killer only to find myself turned into a human suit and toppings for a pizza; or coming across a bear. To be honest, I think I'm more fearful of bears. When I was safely on the east coast, I imagined that when I got west, bears would be so abundant that one would just stand in the middle of the interstate, wave me to the side of the road, use one claw to open up the top of my car like it was a tin can, pluck me from my seat, and pop me in his mouth like I was a piece of popcorn. I was even afraid about my stays in hotels out here, thinking that bears would just come to my hotel room door and knock on the door politely and then maul me.
  I've gotten out here and found that thats not quite what they mean when they say "Bear Country" but I'm still fearful of taking more than three steps into a wooded area. Which leads me to:
  
  
• To hike or not to hike: I knew this would be an issue. So I'm on my own here, I'm an amateur hiker and, as stated above, am fearful of becoming bear fodder. I've talked to some women, though, that have no problem hiking by themselves.
  I've considered this option for myself but have some issues with this: a) my before-stated shoddy sense of direction and lack of short-term memory; b) the vivid images that I have of anything from free-falling off the side of a mountain, to a small twist of an ankle that leaves me stranded alone, thirsty and cold in the middle of nowhere; and c) the fact that if I'm by myself and I do run into a bear, I won't have anyone with me to either provide a distraction to said bear while I run in the other direction, or if all else fails, someone that I can toss to the bear to satiate his/her appetite a bit while I run in the other direction.
  Alas, this leaves me confined to the safety of my car which leads me to:
  
  
• The motorcade of the masses: I am not the only person that has found reasons to not get out off their butts but, instead, just enjoy the scenery from their car. That seems to be the preferred method of sight-seeing. But this means a slow creep, and I mean slow creep, through the park. When I first get to the park, I'm usually OK with this. I'm rubber-necking with the best of them and I'm still in a relaxed, loving mood. After the second hour, my patience is long-gone. I ache for an open highway and a speed of at least 45 mph. I start to make my way out of the park but I still need to wade through the molasses-like progression while no longer possessing any resemblance of relaxation or love.
  Then, there is the phenomenon of the pull-over. There are many little side pockets on the road where one can get out of the car, stand still, breathe a breath of fresh air and then resume the parade. There are so many of these, though, it doesn't make sense to pull over at all of them so you need to select which pull-overs are worth your less than two hour attention span. When you see another car pull over, you start to think they know something you don't know, and maybe you should pull over. But then you find that you are out of the parade only to be in the midst of a crowd of people with cameras.
  Then there are pull-overs that no one has stopped at that look like a great private spot for reflection and a moment to get away from the motorcade, but then a car behind you thinks you know something they don't know so they pull over and now you have company. For me, this is a continuous cycle. So my inner dialogue goes: "There. I'll pull over at that spot. No, someone is already there. Next one, though....OK, this one. No, I think if I continue I'll find a better view. But I will stop at the next one...There. I'll pull over here. But that car behind me is so close and I've made up my mind to do this a little too late so I'll just pull over at the next one..." and after ten "maybe" pull-overs, I do a true pull over, snap a few pics, don't know what else to do with myself and resume the parade/pull-over debate.

There's a dose of belly-aching for the day. Please take time to review the disclaimer again at the top of the page. In whatever form that I get to see the National Parks, I am grateful.

Random Pics:

Me, at the top of Rendezvous Mountain, Jackson Hole, Wyoming:

Mammoth Hot Springs, Yellowstone National Park, Wyoming:

What I've listened to in the last week:

"Fashion Nugget" Cake

"I'm Wide Awake, Its Morning" Bright Eyes

"Ga ga ga ga ga" Spoon

"Happenstance" Rachel Yamagata

"Hail to the Thief" Radiohead

"Get Away From Me " Nellie McKay

"I Might Be Wrong: Live" Radiohead

"Featuring 'Birds'" Quasi

"Kid A" Radiohead

"East Is The Past" Pete Bush

"Let It Die" Feist

"Daydream Nation" Sonic Youth

"Marquee Moon" Television

"Check Your Head" Beastie Boys

"BBC Sessions" Led Zeppelin

"New Moon " Elliott Smith

"Alligator" The National

"One Plus One is One" Badly Drawn Boy

"16 Greatest Hits" The Mamas and the Papas

"Panama! " Various Artists

"Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots" Flaming Lips

"Reading, Writing, Arithmetic" The Sundays

"Watery Domestic" Pavement

"Show Your Bones" The Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs

"Terror Twilight" Pavement

Audiobook: "Barrel Fever" by David Sedaris

Audiobook: "Me Talk Pretty One Day" by David Sedaris

Audiobook: Discs 1-3 of "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" by Dave Eggers

Podcasts: lots of "Wait, wait...", "This American Life" and "How Stuff Works"